You are not alone
You are not alone
I decided it was time – thank you Tammy for taking my vision and giving me a fresh-new look on my blog. I love how you make “change” feel okay. It’s still a work in process, but I hope you come often to where I keep it real.
Yesterday, I ran across an old post that I wrote back in March 2012. Most of the time, I don’t feel near as vulnerable as I did back then, but I still often feel silenced and wonder what the answer to this question is, “Is it just because we are adopted that our voices are not nearly as important as the next person’s?”
Confiding in my friend, I shared with her what worries me the most when I put my heart out there. “Most people would be surprised you feel this way JoAnne,” she answered, while trying to see the vulnerability through my eyes.
1. In my mind, I still stand alone in my defense; my late parents always had more power and credibility because of my step father’s prestigious career as a radiologist and their financial status.
2. When I was placed for adoption at birth, it was somehow supposed to give the parents who raised me permission and the right to keep secrets from me.
3. Some might side with my parents that even when I became an adult, they must have still had “a child’s best interests at heart” if they weren’t able to share the truth with me, leading one to believe it must have been so awful and devastating.
4. That the many lies and secrets must have more to do with my birth family verses my adoptive family.
5. When friends will innocently say, “Oh, my, it’s such a confusing story,” I believe it must be the way I am writing/telling my tough journey because I’ve lived it every day of my life.
6. I want others to understand that I struggle with being able to separate myself from the convoluted part and that all the deception has nothing to do with me.
7. Part of me believes I must not have tried hard enough as a good daughter or did something wrong to not deserve the truth.
8. Over the years, I’ve felt like my adoptive mother was always one step ahead of me in making sure nobody answered my questions such as, “Why would a prominent judge and a well-respected doctor be heavily involved in my so-called adoption at birth if they had nothing to hide?”
9. Who would have listened if I had said, “It doesn’t matter if I was adopted 60 years ago, today, or born in the next century? I deserved to be treated with more respect.
“If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.”
― Brené Brown