I was thinking about my late birth father tonight … he was a very intelligent man. As a geologist doing both on-loan and contract work, he had something like 45-plus newspaper articles written about him. There were no pictures of my father. A lot of the clippings announced where he would be heading for his next out of town/state project. Back then they sure liked to have newspaper-worthy parties when he returned back to his family.
It was interesting to me how you could almost see the handwriting on the wall that his marriage with his wife wasn’t going to last. He was seldom home. That is how I was conceived.
But I have to give him some credit for being able to turn his life around. Apparently, his first marriage to his childhood sweetheart was annulled by both sets of parents. Well, towards the end of his life he was given an ultimatum—if he stopped drinking, womanizing, and started going to church, the love of his life from when he was a young man would agree to marry him again. And impressively, that is just what he did until the end of their lives.
As his daughter, we never met, but I think I’ve figured him out. My birth father always loved his childhood sweetheart and after he lost her the first time he didn’t care who he ultimately hurt by his poor choices in life.
I have been able to find forgiveness in my own way.
What I would have asked him if he was still alive:
• If you had your life to do over again, what would you have done differently?
• I heard you always wanted a daughter, “How could I have made you proud?”
• If you could have written a letter to my adoptive mother, my first adoptive father, and my stepfather, what would you have said after hearing my life story?
• Do you have words of wisdom from your own life experiences that might have helped me to finally let go of the sadness and disappointments?
• Is there something I could have said to you as your daughter that would have made you want to be a better husband, father, and human being?
• And last, but most importantly, “Would you take me fishing?” ♥