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Where the tears come from…

Where the tears come from…

My friend, Matt was asking me today if I was going to write each day on my blog in November for NaNoWriMo. (National Novel Writing Month). I shared with him that actually my goal is to finish writing a story by November 1st in time for my stepfather’s granddaughter’s birthday on November 7th. My niece is a part of his “forgotten” family that I knew nothing about until recent years— including a daughter, a son, grandchildren and now even many great-grandchildren.

This is by far the hardest thing I will ever have to do in my life. I am going to put a paragraph or two each day on my blog for the month of October. That way it won’t feel too overwhelming to be able to tell the story. I believe it will help others to see how damaging keeping secrets from our loved ones can be. For the longest time, I couldn’t even talk about my feelings, without a flood of tears that seemed to come from nowhere. I even stopped writing and wanting to get my stories published, etc. But I have always found healing and closure when I can finally put my heart into words. I am ready with the help and encouragement from my friends to go full circle with this part of my journey. Thank you for your love and understanding!

October 1st

When my stepfather who meant the world to me passed away, I only asked for a couple of things. The fact that he didn’t leave me a cent of his wealthy inheritance after being a long-time medical doctor wasn’t what was important to me. But it was this intriguing old doll that he brought with him when he married my adoptive mother. I knew the hands-off doll had some kind of history, but never could I have imagined how deep were the pain, secrets, and shame it signified.

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  • This is a great beginning. Thank you for all the help that you give to me and others.

  • Starr Weaver says:

    Looking forward to reading your story. I am always amazed how many similarities there are when learning of other adoptees stories. Of course secrecy and lies is the common thread through most unfortunately.

    May this endevor bring you much peace my friend <3

  • Audra Krell says:

    I’m so intrigued! Can’t wait to find out what happens next. That means you are a GREAT storyteller and writer!

  • I will be reading along with you. I feel privileged that you’re allowing me along on your healing journey.

  • Linda Orozco says:

    Joanne – thank you for inviting me to read your blog. I’m already intrigued and can’t wait for more. Much love and blessings, LindaO

  • A wonderful start to what I’m sure will be healing for you and insightful for all of us. Bless you Sister!

  • Lynn Mosher says:

    JoAnne, this should make for an intriguing way for others to read about you and your life. Praying for you as you move ahead through this. Blessings to you, sweetie!

  • Jenny says:

    How wonderful you are writing…..I hope someday to give my daughter the journals I have written to her. They started the day she was born. That writing was sometimes the only sanity I knew in an otherwise unfair world. Putting words to paper seems to help you sort out the feelings. You have helped me too, hope we can always stay in touch. Always, Jenny

  • Leigh says:

    Great start, JoAnne! Keep going…you can do this!!

  • val says:

    Your incredible journey is not just about the road you travel towards those desires of your heart, but even more those hearts that you touch along the way. my special friend…you have touched many hearts. I am eager to follow you as you travel through this new adventure. May God give you the desires of your heart. I will be there with you giving encouragement and thanks for God’s amazing blessings in your life.

  • Kali Kini says:

    I love you 🙂

  • Jenny Valdes says:

    Honored to be along as you tell us your journey. Love you

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  1. Well written! Thanks for sharing I really connected with this one. Peace and Love!
  2. So sad, what a terrible experience. and I know it was only one of many for you. Love you friend!!!
  3. This fills me with sadness: “No child should have to continually try to make a parent love them.” What a tragedy that your mother was not able to accept love from you. My guess is that deep down, she didn’t feel lovable, and she had to cover that shameful fact up with a bunch of br…
  4. It’s insane that these findings were made but nothing was done about it. All these years later, you are still waiting for the wrongs to be righted.
  5. I love you❤