In the Driver’s Seat
A 38-year-old mother of three children sat in the passenger’s seat of the car. She exhaled against the pain of each contraction while massaging her protruding belly. As she made the long trip to the hospital, who was in the driver’s seat? Her fall from grace supposedly had been a well-hidden secret.
However, someone helped her down the dark rural road, that day, toward the lights of the big city, for she didn’t drive. Staring down the bumpy road, much like the one life had paved for her, what was in her heart on that 145-mile journey?
That special day God had planned for a new life to be brought into this world was my birth day, June 4.
My first mother passed away when I was a little girl. At only 8 years old, I wonder if there was a part of me that felt a silent twinge of loss one more time. Did her arms ever ache for me, this child that she had cradled within her for 9 months?
Often, I see the reflection of her unselfishness in the precious gift of life—in the difficult choices women are faced with that have no easy answers. I know the love and forgiveness of Jesus Christ was in the driver’s seat that day, helping a troubled soul find direction and purpose in her life.
Unfortunately, after I was placed for adoption at birth, my childhood never magically turned into one of those happily-ever-after adoption stories. There have been times that the little girl in me has truly needed my birth mother to hold me once more. I couldn’t possibly put into words the emptiness I have felt in my heart from years of lies, secrets, and lack of respect.
I am trusting God, again, to be in the driver’s seat to help me find closure and healing, as I finally put my first name on my only birth certificate that still lists me as my first mother’s child. I have a hard time asking others for prayers, but on my birthday this year, I hope you will smile and say, “God must have certainly had a plan!”
“And I will bring the blind by a way they did not know; I will lead them in paths they have not known. I will make darkness light before them, and crooked places straight. These things I will do for them, and not forsake them.” (Isaiah 42:16 NKJV)
I feel honored to be a part of the Blog Carnival. Please go to Bridget Chumbley’s site http://www.bridgetchumbley.com/ to read other blog entries this week or to join.