JoAnne

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Blowing Wishes

Blowing Wishes

Today is National Lollipop Day! It just felt like the perfect time to rewrite my story about my silent childhood wish. I love when you can put what’s close to your heart into words and it doesn’t make you sad or cry anymore.

Every year before blowing out the candles on my birthday cake, my silent childhood wish was to have a sister.

I felt safe inside my pretend-world where no one could possibly burst my bubble. I imagined my sister and me laughing so hard that we cried long into the night…a forever slumber party. We had a lasting friendship, like a big all-day lollipop with colorful swirls. My make-believe sister and I shared in girl talk, whispered secrets, and silly giggles. Ours was an unconditional trust that would never be broken, a kind of cross-your-heart-and-hope-to-die pact.

I was adopted at birth but never gave much thought to the possibility that I might really have a sister. The harsh reality was that my birth mother had placed me for adoption over infidelity, but had kept my older siblings. I could hardly believe it—me, the girl who had wished so hard for a sister, had not one, but two much older sisters.

It seems like it was just yesterday that my sisters and I were faceless strangers. Our paths were separated by time and distance, like shooting stars with different destinies. Then, by chance, I found the ingredients for my ready-made relatives. Anxiously I hoped that they would welcome me into their life stories.

Magically, my sisterly-wish had been granted but intertwined with sadness. After finding this missing part of me, I experienced many emotions. I felt like a small child overwhelmed by the awe of Christmas. Yet another part of me was grieving over the letdown of having a not-so-happily-ever-after relationship.

While being the “sister left behind” hurts deeply, I don’t blame either of my sisters for having not being overly-delighted about my intrusion into her life. Regretfully, I realize now that I tried too hard to make them into the sisters I had always dreamed about.

 

A Giant Leap of Faith

A Giant Leap of Faith

WORD OF WARNING: Don’t go with me to find the perfect card! If I ask one of my daughters or my husband if they want to go…

Where could I have turned for help?

Where could I have turned for help?

And all this nonsense started because my parents would only say my birth certificate was “missing.” For over 30 years, I begged someone to please tell me…

Once upon a time …

Once upon a time …

The hospital where I was born freely gave me a copy of my disturbing-looking birth records, where it noted that as a newborn I had been discharged…

Pause and Rewind

Pause and Rewind

October 23, 2012 “Bursting into tears, I remember feeling like we all do at times, “I was just a number again, not a human being.” Downtrodden by…

Moving Mountains

Moving Mountains

Ever since I was a young girl, I believed I could move mountains that would change the world. My long-time friend, Cathy, died back in 2008 from…

Mother’s Day 2016

Mother’s Day 2016

I’ve been thinking about my mother who gave birth to me. We missed out on getting to know each other. Searching for her in my late 30s,…

Our Given Name

Our Given Name

They must have known I lost my name and wrote this clever, fun book for once-little girls just like me. Maybe I could write my own book…

Two mothers

Two mothers

I am assuming she must have done something very bad. However, for a brief moment that we made eye contact as two mothers, it didn’t matter. While…

Take Your Pick

Take Your Pick

When I was searching for my birth father, the old-timers mentioned three separate names as possibilities. None of the people I contacted seemed to be positive about…

  1. Oh, I am so sad for those girls. To have lost you once because of their mother’s decision, and then to have lost you again because of their own short-sightedness. They really missed out. I’m sorry you did, too 🙁
  2. So sad, what a terrible experience. and I know it was only one of many for you. Love you friend!!!
  3. This fills me with sadness: “No child should have to continually try to make a parent love them.” What a tragedy that your mother was not able to accept love from you. My guess is that deep down, she didn’t feel lovable, and she had to cover that shameful fact up with a bunch of br…
  4. It’s insane that these findings were made but nothing was done about it. All these years later, you are still waiting for the wrongs to be righted.
  5. I love you❤