A Giant Leap of Faith

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WORD OF WARNING: Don’t go with me to find the perfect card!

If I ask one of my daughters or my husband if they want to go shopping, they always want clarification first. “You don’t need to find a card, right?”

Let the truth be known—Hallmark and I have a strong bond. I can spend literally hours reading through the different sentiments to see which one fits any of my family or friends to a tee. No wonder my husband has no problem renewing my online greeting card subscriptions. Having the opportunity to write stanzas for cards is on my bucket list.

Trying to breeze through Mother’s Day is a giant leap of faith for me. Someday, I know that the complicated loss of my adoptive mother, and learning my natural mother passed away when I was a little girl, won’t hurt quite as much. But as of yet, the card stores and I are not on the best of terms during this time of the year. At any cost, I will avoid all Mother’s Day commercialism.

Let me share a story with you. When I was growing up, I would pick out for my adoptive mother what I thought was the most perfect, beautiful card. With hopeful anticipation, I would watch as she opened it. Invariably she would say, “That’s nice. But you don’t really mean it do you?” Then I would see only her biological child’s card sitting out on display with mine nowhere to be found.

Over the years, my loved ones and well-meaning friends will say, “JoAnne, you are just going to have to let it go and forgive.” The term “forgive” is such a difficult word for me. Yes, at times I do still feel this indescribable sadness and disappointment in my heart. No child in this world should have to continually try to make a parent love them. I missed out on what real love feels like from a mother.

I have come a long way in my journey and knowing my truth. Believe me, I am gradually inching much closer to that forgiveness part. There are still so many feelings I needed to tell my adoptive mother before she passed away. When I can finally write these thoughts down in one last perfect card, I know I will have found my closure.

Author: JoAnne

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4 Comments

  1. And through this struggle my friend, you have persevered and became a beautiful, courageous and loving mother to three magnificent daughters. you’re the best. happy Mother’s Day my friend!

  2. You were so robbed as a child. To be put down and disregarded in such a way, my heart hurts for you. The hurt child in a person can never be fully healed but I applaud you for your determination to find the truth and believe in yourself and work toward forgiveness. Love you friend!!

  3. I know how hard it has been for you but take heart that despite that you managed to be a wonderful person and mother. Blessings to you, lots of love, Julie

  4. I’ll go card shopping with you! I love cards and I can spend hours in Hallmark! They love me there!

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